Boys boys boys (Part 2)

B beat me in Scrabble. And my roommates all like him. He gets a third date this weekend.

So I left off with GayJ, our questionably queer friend.

Let's start with a physical description. It's actually pretty easy. He looks a little like Colin Farrell, but daintier. Yes, I just described this man as being dainty.



He's such an oxymoron. This is the guy who inspired the "Allure of the Bad Boy" blog that I wrote before, but he is by no means a true bad boy. Yes, he drives a motorcycle and drinks Jack Daniels straight from the bottle. Yes, he wears biker boots and smokes incessantly. He looks the part at first glance. But if you look more closely at his stance and listen to the stuff that comes out of his mouth, you begin to wonder if it's all some elaborate act, maybe so elaborate an act that he's even fooling himself.

I first met J back in September when I bought my bed from him off of Craigslist. When I first moved to LA, I was strapped for cash and living on my own in a city that's not exactly... cheap. It's not Manhattan, but it's still not inexpensive. So I became best friends with a little site known as Craigslist, and every day, I'd scour the "free" and "furniture for sale" sections, hoping to find a steal. I found an ad for a gorgeous dark wood California King size bed and called the guy. He seemed surprised to get my phone call; his phone had't been able to receive any incoming calls for days and mine had mysteriously gone through. So he took that as a sign from fate and agreed to sell me his bed. When I arrived, I was limping from having recently fractured my left foot (yet another drinking casualty), and he was nice enough to take the bed apart and load all of it into my car for me with his friend. It took a while, so we talked about why he was leaving LA and our jobs and the usual small talk. Well, it turns out this guy used to be a daytrader back when the dot coms were hot, and he'd trade thousands of shares on margin to make teeny tiny profits per share. He never filed his taxes from that endeavor, however, so he had a lot of explaining to do to the IRS. It looked like he had made millions of dollars when really it was only thousands, so he decided rather than pay, he'd run. I probably got some of the information mixed up, but the idea I got was that he was leaving LA bc he'd finished working on a movie, and he was visiting his mom in Hawaii before moving to Costa Rica to flee the IRS.

*Crickets chirping*

At this point, you would be completely in line were you to question my taste in men. Strangely enough, it's the ones with weird backstories that catch my eye. I like it when guys are at least a little bit off. I think it makes them interesting. Anyhow, so that's how J and I first met. Through the course of the following months, he would text message me randomly and in December informed me that he'd be moving back to LA in January and that he wanted to hang out. I figured we'd have a drink or something, but didn't expect much more. Well, then he wanted to hang out all the time, and I'll admit, I didn't mind keeping his pretty face and warm body around. Sadly, though, while GayJ may be nice to look at, he's a little bit vacant. His pie chart is 99% good looks, and the remaining 1% is divided between personality and brains.

Meaghan and I have talked on more than a few occasions about how nice it would be if he could just come out of the closet in his True Religion jeans and Juicy hoodies and be our hot gay friend who loves fashion and shopping and gossiping about celebrities. I mean, this is a guy who says stuff like, "Do you have any moisturizer? My skin's feeling so dry." And he like to try on all of my hats. He also can't stop commenting on who's gay and who's not in Hollywood.

Here's the icing on the cake, however: he was in this movie called "The House of Adam." He had mentioned it in passing but I looked it up on the internet and was dismayed to find that he starred as this gay cop in a movie about a gay man who gets lynched. When I asked him about it, he was visibly taken aback, and went on the defensive immediately. He asked me why I cared, and I said I was just wondering if the people he worked with thought he was gay. (That was my indirect way of asking him, ARE YOU GAY.) He skirted around the issue a bit, saying that he didn't really care who thought he was gay, except that it really bothered him when girls he liked thought he was gay and wouldn't date him.

Yeah, that would be me.

But the more I hung out with him and talked with him, the more convinced I've become that he's either soooooo unbelievably metrosexual that he's easily mistaken for gay, or that he's gay and has no idea because he's in a very very deep state of denial. Not like, six feet under denial; we're talking 20,000 leagues under the sea denial. He gestures with his hands. He knows way more about fashion than I do. Though that's not saying much. He saw a picture of Colin Farrell in US Weekly and commented that he needed to get his eyebrows under control. But then he also takes every opportunity to assert his straightness in stride. He doesn't do it in a way that makes me think he's doing it to cover anything up, but in such a way that may have developed as a result of people always questioning his sexuality.

After all, this is LA. If there were ever a place to come out of the closet, this would be one of the best (falling behind only San Francisco and New York City). He's been in a gay movie, shown as a cover model on a gay magazine, featured as a hunk in a "Hunks of Hawaii" calendar, and lives with a gay producer. He says he doesn't enjoy doing all the gay stuff, but for some reason, all these gay men in the industry take a liking to him and want to help him out. I have to bite my tongue so I don't accidentally say, "It's because they all want to suck your dick, J." I'm sure they all think he's gay. Shit, I did! Do... Did? I dunno. Nor do I care, really.

I asked him to have dinner with me last night so he came over and we went to get sushi and then talked in my room for a bit. I told him about C, the non-boyfriend. I told him about going on a date with B. And I told him that I couldn't see myself with a guy like him in the long-term, but I enjoy his company. Also, I said that he wouldn't be getting any (and by any, I mean ANY) because I didn't like to sleep with/ get hot and heavy physically with any guys if I am seeing more than one. So, tadaahhhhh! I was completely honest with him, so now I can still get him to buy me dinner and drinks, cuddle with me at night, and I'm not obligated to make out with him or anything. I think I got a pretty good deal. It's like having a fabulous gay friend who just doesn't know he's gay yet. So maybe he's not fabulous just yet, but we're working on it. After all, Meaghan's gay co-worker said that when he was pretending to be straight, he'd make out with girls, too. I'm not trying to get involved with a gay man trapped in a straight man's body. That could be disastrous for my ego later on. However, I feel like I've done my part in disclosing my current boy situation and telling him that all I want from him is his company and some cuddling. Sweeeeeet. You could never get that kind of deal from a straight guy.

I think that's about it for the boys who are currently on the rotation.

And there is the possible return of Alden Glenrock. Klein and I had a little adventure last spring at Busby's where we met Alden and his friends and had perhaps the craziest night of our lives. And I had this complex about how crazy he was bc I'm not normally that crazy, so when he'd call, I'd be a complete bitch to him or ignore him altogether. He's kind of a cutie, though. Looks a little like Paul Rudd but not.



Let's see if he calls again after my last phone call to him. I told him exactly what I just told you guys: that I don't normally party quite as crazily as we did when we first met him, and
that's why I was mean to him. And he said he understood, and that his friends who had been with him then were gone, and that they were kind of the crazy influences in his life. So... he's shed himself of the friends and maybe we'll hang out and have some quiet time. Who knows?