Dear D & S

Until today, I wasn't angry with either of you. I have known for weeks that you, D, my old roommate and supposed friend, and you, S, my ex boyfriend and supposed best friend, were intimate with one another. I didn't care that you did it to get back at me. I thought it pathetic, really. S, you were mad because I started seeing someone new. D, you had to make up a reason to be mad at me. But what made it all so pathetic was that you wanted to hurt me but then you were both too cowardly to be open about it. And you, D, are so self righteous. You pass judgment on anyone and everyone when you are clearly no saint yourself. Poor W. I can't believe that he has no idea that he is not the only one you have been with. You've been with him for nearly what... eight years now? You must be very bored. Very unhappy. And very scared. You won't let go of W because you are so scared of change, of having to put in the effort of finding someone who might actually fulfill you. And S: it's too bad you were so wildly jealous after our breakup. Yes, I hooked up with J on Memorial Day weekend. Long after you and I had called it quits in March. You and J didn't even know each other, and it's not like I was doing anything wrong by moving on and finding someone new, although I must concede that another coworker was probably in bad taste. But I didn't choose him to spite you. I didn't want to spite you. It's not like I decided to hook up with your roommates or anything.

When I first heard that the phrase "D gives great head" came out from S's mouth, I was in shock, and I felt betrayed, but not angry. In fact, I thought it rather sad. My old roommate, you are trapped in a relationship where you are bored to tears but won't get out because you don't know what you'd do without him to fight passionately with you about the most trivial things (thereby feeding your seemingly insatiable penchant for drama) and to pay for your dinners and to buy you your designer purses. My old boyfriend, you say to this day that you love me and you'll love me forever, that all of the songs you have written for your first album are about me. Your inability to enjoy life without the aid of any kind of drug enhancement is maddening, and it made you paranoid. You were convinced that J and I had hooked up long before we ever so much as thought of kissing, and that paranoia drove you into a rage against me.

All of that, like I mentioned before, is forgivable. I have spoken to both of you since, and cordially. I have made no mention of my knowledge, mostly bc I like to avoid drama if possible. (It is awfully good at seeking me out, though.) But then tonight I discovered that the first of your intimate encounters was back in early December after the company Christmas party. I was passed out in my bed, and you were both on D's bed... in the same room as me, as D and I shared a room.

I cannot be friends with either of you any longer, and while I'd like to tell you why, I don't know that you even deserve an explanation.

And D: I would never stoop so low as to tell W just to get back at you. Anger is fleeting; I know this will pass. But this overwhelming feeling of pity and an understanding that you both lack character: it will remain.

Signed,
Me Follow through...