Easy words

Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words. Closer.

Is it really that easy to say, "I love you?" I mean, I understand that actions speak more loudly than words, but I don't think it's all that easy to utter those three words to someone. In my experience, it has been perhaps more difficult for me to say those words than it has been to live them. It isn't that I don't think I've ever been in love, (in fact, to the contrary, I think I've been in love many times) it's that I am paralyzed by fear. I have always been scared out of my wits at the possibility that the person to whom I would like to say "I love you" would not reciprocate, and one of my greatest fears in life, being unloved, would be confirmed.

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. Anais Nin.

I don't think love is some static, constant thing. I would define love as the complete giving of all that one has to offer at any particular point in one's life. For instance, when I was 17 I was convinced I had fallen in love with a boy I met at a church conference in Tennessee. Every fiber of my being trembled with longing for this boy; I couldn't stop thinking of him; I wanted only to make him happy. When I was 19, I looked back at that time in my life and laughed at myself. How silly I was. But now, I look back and I consider each time I was in love legitimate. Puppy love, shmuppy love. At that point in time, given my emotional maturity, I offered my purest and most precious gift of self. If I were to offer another man that now, it'd be a lot more meaningful because I've grown since then, and my capacity to love has expanded. I look forward to the day when I reach full capacity! Cheers to all the heartbreak, the growth, and the love in the many years to come. When I am 82 and in love, I hope I feel just as fulfilled as when I was 17 and in love, 19 and in love, and so on and so forth.