Dipping the ketchup

I was having a chat with the roommate R last night and she laughed when I said the word "boyfriend," a word that has not crossed my lips in many moons.

R: So what stage are you in?
Me: I dunno. Boyfriend/ girlfriend, I guess?
R: No, what relationship stage?
Me: Huh?

R then introduced me to the "dipping the ketchup" phase and the "naming the kids" phase.

R once had a friend who stopped seeing a guy because he dipped his fries into her ketchup. She had asked him if he wanted any ketchup. He said no. She got her own ketchup. And then he dipped his fries into her ketchup, which grosses her out. As this was only the second date and she didn't like him enough to want to explain that it bothered her and risk seeming neurotic, she simply got more ketchup for herself and wrote him off.

After the non-invested "dipping the ketchup" phase comes another phase, unnamed by R and her friends, which I like to call "sumo." It's the phase where you know you kind of like the other person and you think the other person likes you but you're not sure so the two of you just kind of circle each other around the ring trying to anticipate what the other wants or is going to do. This phase can go on forever, and ends when the parties get tired of circling or when the parties advance to the milestone DTR (Define The Relationship) talk. This forces the relationship to end or move on to the Relationship stage. In some cases, "sumo" occurs for an extended period of time when one party likes the other but is unwilling to end "sumo" by pushing for the DTR because s/he is likely to get an unfavorable outcome, or the DTR outcome was unfavorable to one party and both parties agree to revert to "sumo" indefinitely.

As you begin the Relationship, you are initiated into the Apollo phase. Probing, learning, discovering things about each other, but cautiously. There is little trust and much trepidation and careful treading at this stage.

At some point after declaring exclusivity, a couple may enter what R calls the "naming the kids" stage. You don't know enough about your partner yet to be disgusted, annoyed, or appalled. Yet. For all you know, the sun shines out his/ her ass. Your mind fast forwards to wedding bells and vacation homes and baby names. If one half of the couple enters this stage too quickly while the other remains behind in Apollo mode, the results may be disastrous. The one who is left behind may get nervous and/ or freaked out and bolt like a horse without blinders. Leaving behind shattered wedding bells and named but never to be born children. This is the honeymoon stage on speed.

I don't feel like I can speak very authoritatively on any stage beyond "naming the kids" because I really haven't had much success. So far, my relationships have evolved to become more mature or devolved and fallen apart. Or both, not necessarily in that order.