Birds of a feather

They say birds of a feather flock together, but I never totally bought into it. Yes, I understand that for the most part, it's easiest to get along with people who are more like you than not: you have things in common; you like doing the same things. But I always thought that when it came to something as grandiose and all-powerful as love, there would be no bounds. Romeo and Juliet style. Nothing could come between them. Not friends, nor foe, nor family. Actually, that's a shitty example because all of the above did come between them and resulted in a rather tragic and untimely death for them both. So scratch that.

But I mean, think of the wrong side of the tracks kid and the poor little rich girl schtick. Like in The Notebook. It don't matter where you're from or where you've been, only where you're going (together), right?

Then I took JP's family to a little restaurant I like in Chinatown because it has yummy soup dumplings. Cheap and delicious. My favorite type of place. They didn't really appreciate the soup dumplings and their broth-oozing goodness, and the most popular dish was the fried rice and the General Tso's. This is not to say that the fried rice and General Tso's were not good; I was just sad that they didn't react the way I did when I first discovered soup dumplings. I remember the Chinatown girls took us to try soup dumplings at Moon House and Mando and I nearly peed our pants because our tastebuds were so happy.

I should probably chalk that one up to the fact that not everyone finds as much joy in the simple act of eating as I do. But given the external cues, I feel like the lack of familiarity made it a less enjoyable experience for them. It was reminiscent of trying to eat French food with my mother in Paris. She ate dutifully but without pleasure, and then thanked her lucky stars that she had had the foresight to bring along cup noodles to France lest she starve as a result of their ridiculous culinary peculiarities.

I'm not being fair. JP's family actually did eat, and they weren't picking at the food, or anything. They're way better than my mom is. She was a little brat about it and made no pretense about liking the food.

But it just made me think--and yes, I realize this line of thought is way premature-- that we have very different families. Not because either one is more or less loving, or more or less open. I was just thinking about what a family holiday might look like. Thanksgiving at the H household involves kimchi and galbi (though I did make a pretty decent turkey spread this year, if I do say so myself), while Thanksgiving at the P's probably has all of the cranberry and cornbread trimmings. We like rice cakes, they like layer cakes. Not all that different, but not exactly the same. The biggest disconnect, I think, is that my parents like spending holidays with groups of their friends, and they like to drink whiskey and wine and sing karaoke and play poker. I don't really get that vibe from JP's family.

But this isn't even about his family, specifically, but more about a hypothetical love's non-Korean family. In Korean culture, they say you don't just marry your spouse; you marry his family. I'm not sure I completely buy into that because I think if you love a man enough, you can love his family. And JP's family is very high on the lovability scale. But the Korean part of me wants my parents to be able to hang out with his parents comfortably, without feeling frus...

As I write, I am beginning to realize what a non-issue this is. I have just wasted a lot of time on this post. In the case that I fall in love with a man from a different culture, as long as both of our families are fantastic (which I'm sure they will be), they'll do fine getting along for our sakes, and I'm sure they'll recognize good people when they meet them. They don't have to be best friends or spend all their holidays together. And my family isn't really into holidays, anyway. They're just into family.

I can't say this post was a total waste, though, because it helped me realize that if I love a man enough and he loves me back, we will make it work. And if that man is JP, well, at least his dad and my dad can talk audionerd stuff.